My holiday has been tacked on to the end of a business trip. For various reasons, none of which are very interesting to you, dear reader, a week’s worth of business commitment was cancelled. The week of commitments was to come at the end of a business trip to Japan. The chikenz has, of late, decided that I need a holiday and this proved to be the ideal opportunity. We agreed that I would extend my stop-over in Singapore, the chikenz would fly in to meet me and we would take a holiday.
The chikenz announced that this was to be my holiday. We would design this holiday entirely around ensuring that I enjoyed myself, relaxed and generally had a very good time. Although this approach made me slightly nervous, we set about planning. The chikenz asked me to describe my ideal holiday. It’s a fun exercise imagining you perfect holiday. I encourage you to think about it for yourself and post the details of your perfect holiday in the comments. To start you off, I’ll tell you about mine. In some detail.
My perfect holiday involves a warm place. Not too warm mind, but reasonably so. Temperatures in the mid to high 20s would be nice. An occasional venture into the low 30s would be tolerated. A temperate suitable for wearing shorts, but equally acceptable should one prefer long trousers. There is water involved in this holiday, but only for the purpose of viewing. I can see the water from my holiday spot you see. The water is unlikely to be the ocean, so I guess that means it’s a lake or a river. Either will do.
My holiday is largely set in a comfortable, old-fashioned sort of hotel. One with a large, shady verandah overlooking an ever-so-slightly overgrown garden, and beyond that, the aforementioned water. It probably has wicker chairs. The chairs have overstuffed cushions. The cushions are white, or cream in colour. There are tables too. They’re probably wicker as well.
My holiday hotel is over-staffed. There are far too many for the job at hand. This may be because labour is so cheap in the country where my holiday is set. The net result of all this is that there are at least two members of the staff standing to attention on the verandah even when there are no actual customers at hand. The arrival of customers would generally call for the arrival of reinforcements to the staff. The staffing arrangements mean that I never have to wait for the attention of a member of staff. I need only look toward where a member of staff should be, I will find that they are indeed where they should be, they will notice that I am looking toward them, approach and quietly ask what I would like. Apart from that, they won’t bother me.
Apart from the wait-staff, my hotel has at its disposal an impressive array of experts in mixing all kinds of drinks, pouring beer or preparing local snacks that I find unusual but delicious. My hotel not only tolerates my smoking habit, they actively facilitate it.
My hotel offers an astonishing list of activities each morning. Perhaps I will be presented with the opportunity to go trekking through local rainforests, climbing mountains, learning new water skills – perhaps skiing of snorkelling or some such thing, perhaps I will even be able to go sky-diving or bungy jumping. Each morning I will review the list of activities scheduled for that day, I will politely decline all of them and elect to sit of the verandah and read. In the afternoon, quite early, I will feel peckish and order one of the local snacks along with a slightly chilled pinot noir. Later, as the afternoon becomes warmer, I will order a gin and tonic. Later still, when the afternoon becomes early evening I will adjourn to the dining area to avoid the mosquitos, I will order a beer. It will not be too cold. It will be perfectly poured. As dinner begins to be served I will select a cabernet sauvignon, or perhaps a shiraz to enjoy with my dinner.
Dinner will be served over a foolishly long period of time. Three or four hours. It will include at least 4 courses before dessert, perhaps more. Dessert will be served with a dessert wine, perhaps a fortified. I will deliberate over whether to finish with cognac and cigars and will decide yes, I will. I will go through this routine every night.
Cognac and cigars will be enjoyed in company. Some of the other guests will join me in the library. They will be intelligent and witty. Several of them will hold opinions that differ from mine but they will express them thoughtfully and with humour. We will discuss a wide variety of topics without rancour or ill-will. They will know better than to bother me the next day while I am reading.
I will retire late, after midnight, but not stupidly late. The next morning I will be awakened by sunlight at about 8am. I will slowly rouse and then do everything all over again. On one day I will spot a particularly interesting activity and will elect to join. It may be a trek to a local temple. The trek will leave the hotel at about 11am and I will discover that by 11am I have become so engrossed in what I am reading that I will not join the trek after all. I will inform the nearby staff and return to my reading. I will be incredibly content.
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This is the holiday that I described to the chikenz. I may have described it in even more detail than I have here. As I recall, I had (for example) designed the staff uniforms, provided a rough layout of the garden and specified that the tabletops on the balcony should not be glass. Either marble or timber would be acceptable.
The chikenz listened to all this as it was related over a period of time. At the end she sort of tilted her head to one side and said, “right...” with a sort of drawn out ‘i’ sound and a distinct pause at the end. That was about 4 weeks ago. Since then the chikenz has been busy planning our holiday.
I mentioned that I am in Malaysia. To be more accurate, I am on the “Ekspres Rakyat” – a train that runs from Singapore to Butterworth, a trip of over 13 hours. The chikenz has planned out a rather detailed itinerary. It includes a trek to a rather interesting temple; the “Snake Temple”, a stay at a world heritage hotel near the beach in Penang, a visit to the night markets on the beach and a visit to a fruit market just outside Penang that will probably involve trekking as well. We have already “enjoyed” a day of shopping at an increasingly gargantuan series of shopping centres in Singapore.
Yes, that was a lazy method of designating irony. I’m eight hours into a thirteen hour train trip.
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