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Friday 11 November 2011

A response from Star Alliance

They replied today! After nearly two weeks, they have put together the following;

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Hello,

We would like to inform you, however, that Star Alliance is a network of 27 individual airlines.

Thank you for your feedback.We will forwarded your feedback to our department.

Thank you once again for your time.

Regards,
Star Alliance Help Desk
STAR ALLIANCE
THE WAY THE EARTH CONNECTS
www.staralliance.com

Saturday 29 October 2011

Some Correspondence

From: Me
Sent via the Star Alliance Website

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Customer message
---------------------------------------------------------------

I see that you don't list an email address.

Given the standard of service that you have provided me with over the last week, I think that's wise.

==========
From: Star Alliance Helpdesk
To: me
subject RE: Complaints #SA05191020116063

Hello,

Thank you for writing to us at the Star Alliance Help Desk.

Please reply to this email with more information. We will direct you to the correct department or provide you the required information.

We look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your patience.

Regards,

Star Alliance Help Desk

STAR ALLIANCE

THE WAY THE EARTH CONNECTS

==========
From: me
To Star Alliance Helpesk


Hello Star Alliance

Well, since you ask.

I fly fairly regularly. Over the last 12 months I’ve made 7 trips to Japan, 3 to Malaysia, 2 to Korea and one to China. I am a Qantas Frequent Flyer member, so I have always preferred to book OneWorld flights whenever possible. I am at Platinum status with Qantas, which gets me Emerald status with OneWorld.

My trips usually take in two or three cities, so I generally book circle Asia fares. I always book business class.

For my most recent trip, I had to travel Sydney-Seoul-Beijing-Osaka-Tokyo-Kuala Lumpur-Sydney. When I checked the flight schedules, I found that a Star Alliance fare could provide more direct flights and so, for the first time ever, I booked a Star Alliance fare.

I have been bitterly disappointed from the very beginning.

When I checked in at Sydney, I found I had access to the Air NZ business class lounge. This was probably a good thing because it conditioned me for what was to follow. The lounge was busy and noisy. Food, such as it was, was a little tricky to come by. On top of that, I had to queue for the toilets (this was at 8:30am!!) because someone had decided that it was a great time to clean the men’s toilet and so the only toilet that was available was the disabled toilet. The person doing the cleaning did not seem in any particularly great hurry and wandered in and out of them several times while they were closed to the lounge guests and the queue grew increasingly long.

Next was my actual flight, which was on Asiana. I can report that the “Entertainment” on this flight certainly was comical. Unfortunately the comedy came not from any of the shows, but rather from the fact that the AV unit appeared to have been rescued from the early 1990s. I could not get the thing to work and neither could the passenger seated next to me. I guess the “entertainment” comes from spending 2 hours trying to make the damn thing operate as it was supposedly intended to.

Even if I could have made it operate, it appears that it was not on-demand anyway and so I would not have been able to watch the movies regardless. Perhaps on Oneworld there is a higher standard expected of member airlines, but I honestly can’t remember the last time I flew a Oneworld international flight that didn’t have AVOD in business.

The next disappointment was on the trip from Beijing to Osaka. This was with ANA. I had booked a business class fare, but was advised at the time of booking that BC was full and that I would be waitlisted. That’s OK, I understand that sometimes flights are full.

When I arrived at check-in I was told that BC was still full. I said that I understood – these things happened – but I was then told that I could not access the lounge.

I had spent a total of 24 hours in China. Arrived at 1400 and flew out at 1400 the next day. Twelve of those 24 hours were spent in meetings. I was tired, I needed to check my emails and now I was being told that even though I had paid a business class fare, I would have to fly economy class AND I could not access the lounge. The phrase “insult to injury” came to mind. After a long and occasionally animated discussion with the desk staff, they eventually agreed that I could access the Air China lounge. On arrival at the lounge, I was held up once again when I actually tried to enter the lounge by a person who told me that they had to confirm my invitation. I noted that my invitation was clearly printed with my name on it and asked what he was going to confirm, but he either ignored or misunderstood the question. After another long wait at the entrance to the lounge, I was finally able to enter.

The lounge itself was bedlam. Trying to get served noodles appeared to be possible only if you were willing to queue and everything else was a lucky dip. I tried to enquire about wireless internet access and was first ignored and then told (in broken English) that I had to “get the password from near the machine” or that’s what it sounded like anyway. Confused, I wandered back toward the entrance to try to find the password. After a while I discovered that the “machine” was in fact a computer that dispensed a login and password. It required you to supply your passport.

I went back to retrieve my password and finally managed to get my login. Surely, when a passenger enters a lounge toting a laptop, it might be a good idea to tell them that there is a complex mechanism in place to ensure that the government can adequately spy on foreigners?

The flight to Osaka was on ANA, where I learned that ANA has discovered that by reducing the legroom available in economy class they can fit in an extra row or two. Mere discomfort on the part of their passengers should not be an impediment to this innovative revenue enhancing strategy and indeed ANA do not allow it to stand in their way.

I should note here that the food on the ANA flight was very good, despite being in economy. I’m not sure that serving a stew on a flight boasting the world’s most cramped economy class seats is a great idea, but the hotel was able to launder my shirt after I checked in and the stains are barely visible.

As I type these lines, I am aboard the ANA flight from Tokyo to Singapore. My experience in the lounge at Narita was similar to the experience I have had in all Star Alliance lounges to date. It was incredibly busy and badly under-serviced. Wireless internet was slow and unreliable and required an email address to login. When the announcement for my flight came, it was with a small sense of relief that I made my way to the boarding gate. I stopped along the way for a cigarette, dawdled the rest of the way to the gate and found that boarding had not even commenced. It did not commence for some time afterward, all the while the giant plasma screen happily announcing the flight as “on-time.” I’m sure it was still reading “on time” when we finally took off a half an hour after our scheduled departure.

I want to emphasise that while the service has indeed been appalling at times, what has frustrated me most has been the dreadful waste of my time. Time that I could have spent productively has been wasted because of Star Alliance. Whether it was wasted in the Air NZ lounge by staff that decided to clean when the lounge is busiest, or by ANA staff who feel that they need to argue about whether I should get access to a business lounge even though I have paid business class fares, or by Asiana deciding to save my by using an outdated AV system or by Air China Lounge staff detaining me for no particularly good reason. As a business traveller, time is the most valuable thing I have. It’s expensive while I am on the road, so I need to make sure that my time is used carefully and wisely. I prefer to be at home, so I pack every day on the road with business in order that the total duration of the trip is shorter. It means that when I am on the ground, I prefer to be taking care of the meetings that need to be taken care of. I plan on spending my flying time and my transit time on administrative tasks such as email. So I find it incredibly frustrating that my time is wasted by a service provider.

I am beginning to see a pattern here with Star Alliance. Except in the gravest of need, I doubt that I will be using your services again, so you’ll lose nothing by simply ignoring this note. Having said that, I will ask one small favour. If you want to write up an apology, or some sort of generic note that essentially says nothing, of if you want to draft a form letter expressing “grave concern” about an “important customer,” please DO NOT SEND IT TO ME. It would be a waste of both your time and mine. Please only write to me if you actually have something substantive to say. Only write to me if there is a specific action that you plan to take and you feel that I would be better off having been informed of that action.

Best of luck for your future.

Shane Curran

P.S. As I finish this email off, I am pleased to report that ANA’s enthusiastic ineptitude continues after boarding. The appetisers were near freezing and were not especially appetising anyway. It took me an hour just to get someone to take away the (largely untouched) tray. I can’t report on the mains as I have to work and was concerned that I would be stuck with tray for the duration of the flight. Attempts to request coffee and a sandwich were met with a blank look and the quizzically repeated phrase “sand each?” When I eventually decided to settle for just the coffee it was delivered without milk or sugar and by the time the attendant had returned with the milk and sugar, the coffee was cold.

So as I go back to my typing, I discover that I have had no power for all this time. The hostess is now going back to check on the problem and returns with the urgency and earnestness and the very sincere apology that has characterised the response to every cock-up that Star Alliance members have made to date. The power is back on and there is no particularly great problem, but once again and foolish and pointless waste of time that I could have used productively.

What Star Alliance represents to me is a litany of errors, none of them especially egregious when taken individually, but happening far too often and far too regularly to be considered exceptions. The things that customer service is made of, consistency, care, thoughtfulness, perception and so on, are not especially fun or exciting. I suspect that comical Rugby Advertisements were much more exciting for Air NZ and an exciting and witty new logo were much more exciting for Asiana.

I have long considered the OneWorld airlines to be more staid an conservative than their Star Alliance counterparts. JAL compares rather greyly to ANA, Qantas seems much more straight-laced than Air NZ. I still hold this view, the only difference being that now I actually consider it a positive attribute for OneWorld.

Regards

SCC

Sunday 16 October 2011

Catching Up

I wrote the articles below while I was gallivanting across Malaysia and Singapore, but once I returned to Australia I found myself so frightfully busy that I didn’t have a chance to post them. As I am now on a flight to Seoul, I will prepare them for posting so that it will just be a cut-n-paste jobbie once I check in.

Proof Reader Wanted (23 September 2011)
It has been pointed out to me, following my previous post, that I am badly in need of a proof reader. Perhaps posting blog entries while sitting by the pool revelling in the wonderment of Tiger beer, is not a good idea after all.

Nonetheless applications for the job of proof reader are now open. There is no monetary reward, but think of the personal satisfaction.

In Georgetown (24 September)

After our action-packed train-ride from Singapore to Butterworth (see earlier post) we checked into the Yang Keng Hotel in George Town, Penang at about 10:00pm on Tuesday night. It’s a lovely little hotel run by friendly and enthusiastic staff. The hotel itself is in a world heritage area of Georgetown and seems to be very popular. We only stayed there for two nights though as it was booked out after that.

It seems that this area of George Town is undergoing something of a rejuvenation. Our hotel was formerly a budget backpackers hostel that has been extensively renovated and restored. There are quite a few hotels in the area that have undergone similar transformations and quite a few cheap and nasties too. Prices are ridiculously cheap. My hotel is about MYR300 (a little under AUD 100) per night and includes breakfast and internet access. You can get a backpacker dorm for under MYR18 (about AUD6) per night.

Malaysia in general is a little like that. The country is not really poor, but it’s not yet a first world country either. It shows in lots of ways too. The trains I’ve already mentioned, but then there are the shopping centres with their department stores and name brands and mildew growing on the walls. There are the gutters that were once sewers and fall about three feet with little warning to the unwary. There are the street vendors selling freshly crushed mango juice mixed with carnation milk and crushed ice. The drink, while delicious almost beyond words in the Malaysia heat, is served in a plastic freezer bag and then sucked through a straw.
Often in countries like this, it I possible to nominate the service as a redeeming feature. That is not the case in Malaysia. The service is uniformly lethargic and uninformed. Sitting by the hotel pool yesterday I ordered two beers and an ice-bucket. There was no attendant at the poolside of course, so I made my way to the “Relaxation Centre” which consisted of a very serviceable gymnasium and a massage room. There were four or five staff in this area and no customers. I knew from previous experience that waving for them to come to the poolside only resulted in having a sore arm.

Attendant (brightly): “Yes Sir, how may I be of assistance?”
Me: “I’d like two bottles of Tiger beer and an ice-bucket delivered to the pool please.”
Attendant (curiously): “Yes Sir, you would like ice with your beer. I can assure you that it is well refrigerated.”
Me (flatly): “Not ice with the beer, an ice-bucket. A silver bucket filled with ice that I put one bottle of beer in while I drink the other. In this way I don’t have to come back and bother you when I need my second beer.”
Attendant (brightly again): “It is no bother at all sir!”
Me (flatly still): “Then it’s a bother to me. It takes too long and I’d rather just have the two bottles now and have an ice-bucket.”
Attendant (dubiously): “I will order two beers with ice?”
Me (flatly still, but with a slightly more directive tone): “Not with ice, in an ice-bucket.”
Attendant (brightly again): “Yes Sir!”

At this point my attendant picked up the phone, dialled a few numbers and thrust the receiver at me. I looked at him quizzically and prepared to ask him why he had spent so much time asking me if it was only to hand me a telephone, but I thought better of it.

Voice on Telephone (bored): “Yes?”
Me: “I want to get some beer delivered to the pool. I want two bottles of tiger beer and an ice bucket.”
VoT (slightly amused): “You want ice in you beer?”
Me: (calmly but emphatically): “No. I do not want ice in the beer. I want you to get an ice-bucket. It’s a large silver bucket. I want you to put two bottles of Tiger beer in the bucket. I want you to cover them with ice. I want you to deliver the ice bucket to the poolside where you will find me sitting with a book.”
VoT (bored again): “OK, It will be there in 25 to 30 minutes sir.”
Me (incredulous): “What?!?? Why will it take 25 to 30 minutes to bring my beer?”
VoT (still bored): “Very well sir, we will try very hard to have it there in five minutes.”

I was not especially surprised when my beer arrived 30 minutes later. There were two frosty cold bottles of Tiger beer and a small bowl of partly melted ice cubes.

Don’t think for a minute that this was a dodgy hotel. It was part of the Shangri-La group, admittedly a lower rung in the Shangri-la group than what I would have stayed in for work, for example, but nothing too shabby. The rooms were spacious and generally well appointed if a little dated, but it seems that the standard of service one might expect in Australia just doesn’t exist here. And frankly, the standard of service in Australia is not that great.

Malaysia’s growing pains appear in many ways. She is a little like a woman wearing Dunlop Volley shoes, cheap polyester pants and a slightly worn I heart Malaysia t-shirt while carrying an Hermes Kelly bag. You see rough shanties with roofs made from scraps of corrugated iron boasting shiny new satellite dishes. Young men and women wearing corporate uniforms – gray suits with the company colours for their ties or scarves – weaving their motor scooters through traffic that to me seems impenetrably dense.

On that point I wish to make a small observation that probably reveals more about my own prejudices than anything else. I find it very disconcerting to see a woman in a hijab riding a motor cycle. There I’ve said it.
At a resort near Batu Ferrenghi we saw quite a large number of young muslim couples. Most of the women wearing full head-to-toe burqas, taking banana boat rides. Afterward they would adjourn to the deck chairs in the resort, recline back with their non-alcoholic cocktails and take pictures of each other. Again, I found it odd, not just the apparent incongruity of a burqa sitting astraddle what appears to be a large inflatable phallus being towed around by a motor boat, but also the pictures. Our young romeo would have nothing more than a picture of someone wearing a burqa wouldn’t he?

Singapore rest room (25 September)

A short note to relate an entirely extraordinary event.

I am in Singapore right now. Awaiting my departure from Singapore airport, sitting comfortably in the Qantas lounge.

Our day started this morning when we arrived at Singapore on the Ekspres at about 7am. We went to find some breakfast and then at about 9am, the chikenz decided that there was more shopping to be done. It’s Singapore after all.

At the first of our shopping centres, which was a rather up-market one, I visited the men’s room in order to take advantage of the rather more sophisticated plumbing that one may enjoy in Singapore.

I entered the cubicle, closed the door and found that it was pitch black. Not dark. Completely black. The door fitted flush at the ceiling and floor and there was no light at all. I checked the next cubicle and found the same problem. Slightly perturbed, I went toward the wash basins, where a young man with a white jacket, similar to a dentists jacket, was wiping benches and basins and generally looking as though he worked there.
One of the lovely things about Singapore is that virtually everyone speaks English and they all speak it very well. So I was not concerned in the slightest as I strode toward my man and said “There seems to be a problem in the cubicles. There’s no light on as far as I can tell.”

In a scene reminiscent of Manuel in Fawlty Towers, my washroom attendant looked at me, tilted his head to one side and said “eh?”

“There’s no light. In the cubicle.” I said.
“Eh?” he said.
“The toilet. There’s no light in the toilet. The cubicle. No light.” I pointed to the light above us. “No light.” I said.
He too pointed to the light and said “Eh?”
I walked toward the cubicles, pointing that way and saying “The light doesn’t work. Is it broken or does it just need to be turned on?”

My washroom attendant looked at me quizzically as I strode back toward the cubicle gesturing to the ceiling periodically. It would be unfair to say that he looked at me as though I were stupid. He looked at me as though I were rather dangerous and quite possibly stupid.

“Look,” I said standing by the cubicle, “it’s dark, no light.” I gestured for him to come over and see for himself that there was no light.

He shuffled toward me. Clearly reluctant. When he was still a few metres away, he said “ah!” which is a lot like “eh?” but has a tone of enlightenment rather than a tone of puzzlement.
“Sotto!” he said.
“Eh?” I said.
He repeated. “Sotto!”
“Is it auto?” I asked.
“Yes, yes!” he said. “Close door otto!”
“It comes on automatically?” I asked. “Really? It didn’t seem to come on automatically before?”
“Sotto, sotto.” He said and gestured me to go into the cubicle. Then suddenly it dawned on me. I had to turn the lock in order to get the light to come on! So I turned the lock and the light DID NOT COME ON.

I came back out and said “no, it’s still not working.” But my washroom attendant had disappeared. Clearly a clever, resourceful chap, he had seen the danger that I represented, lured me into the cubicle and done a runner. I was in that damned cubicle for less than 20 seconds. The time it takes to close the door, pause while you realise you should lock it, lock it and the open it again. 20 Seconds at the absolute outside and my man had seen the gap and run through it.

Bravo!

Thursday 22 September 2011

In Malaysia

I mentioned in my last post that the chikenz and I undertook a train trip from Singapore to Butterworth. I should mention that in hindsight the trip was not actually that bad.

Yes, this post is partly in response to the chikenz having read the previous post, but, as they say in the classics, it’s based on a true story. We started in Singapore at the Woodlands Station and with our train departing at 8:45, we had to arrive at least 30 minutes early in order to clear customs and immigration.

The chikenz was rather excited by all this, largely because there was a dog involved. The dog was a sniffer dog that we saw through a glass window as we were lining up for customs. The chikenz is extremely fond of dogs and pointed excitedly to the rather feeble looking black labrabor sitting patiently next to its handler. I agreed with a straight face that it would indeed be wonderful to be sniffed by a dog, but over the next forty minutes or so as e wound our way through two sets of immigration official, one set of customs official, the railway platform staff and the railway train staff, we never saw that dog again. I contemplated explaining to the chikenz that the dog was not in fact a sniffer dog after all, but was a stew dog and that we would have the opportunity to meet him close-up in small heatproof containers. I am pleased to report that I resisted this urge.

The chikenz had originally wanted to book us on the cheapest train tickets available. This would appear to have been about three classes below economy class, in abject-poverty-class. The chikenz claimed that it would be an adventure and would be a way of getting to know what Malaysia was really like. I countered that this was discriminatory against those Malaysians that chose to fly to Penang rather than catch a train. Especially those Malaysians that chose to fly business class. I challenged her to set aside her prejudices and really connect with those business-class-flying-Malaysians that she had hitherto scorned. The chikenz gave me one of those looks that the chikenz excels in giving and we agreed that we would catch the train, but would travel in first class.

I have travelled by train in Japan quite a bit, on occasion over quite long distances. The most notable of which was a journey from Tokyo to Hiroshima that began with a rather extraordinary trip on the N’ex.

I can report that the similarities between the Japanese Shinkansen and the Malaysian Ekspres do not extend particularly far. They are certainly both trains in the broadest sense of the word. They both cover rather large distances too. However the shinkansen is sparklingly clean, incredibly fast and remarkably smooth. Travelling across the Japanese countryside at nearly 300 kmh, there is really no perception of the speed. The noise is a background hum and the train sits comfortable steady, the only time the motion of the train is really apparent is as you pass through one of the sweeping bends that gently sway you toward one side of the carriage. That, or one of the long, long tunnels that you pass through which reflect the noise and provide a close up of the tunnel walls that remove all the tricks that parallax plays in lulling you into a sense that you are really not going that fast after all.

The Ekspres is not like this. Not at all.

Malaysia is an exciting and interesting place. It’s not as poor as say the Philippines or Vietnam or even Indonesia. In many ways it’s quite developed and in certain regards the peer of any country in the world. Visit the Petronus Towers in Kuala Lumpur for example and you would be hard pressed to nominate a more impressive structure anywhere in the world. It boasts all the luxury brands and a sophisticated and diverse clientele.

On the other hand, Malaysia is clearly not as wealthy as Singapore. The difference when you cross the border from Singapore into Johor Bahru (universally known simply as JB by Singaporeans and Malaysians alike) is quite stark. While it’s hard to think of much that exists in Singapore that doesn’t exist in Malaysia – there are gleaming buildings, beautiful gardens, sophisticated technology and all the other trappings of big cities in both – it’s the universality of these things in Singapore that makes all the difference. It’s difficult to find a run down building in Singapore or a beat up car. Even street hawkers, those guys that would once have sold you a dodgy satay stick on the side of the road, have all been rounded up, trained, licenced and assigned shiny new, permanent premises in controlled environments patrolled by health inspectors and the tourist police all working very efficiently to ensure that no one is poisoned or overcharged for said satay stick. In Malaysia they just sell you a dodgy satay stick from the side of the road.

The Ekspres runs through Malaysian jungles and shanty towns and through seemingly endless palm oil plantations. There are often huge, green mountains in the distance and there are often fields of crops that I can’t identify.

The train itself reminds you of what train travel used to be like. And I mean that in both a good and a bad sense. Food service is a guy in car 2 selling dodgy satay sticks and mystery curry on rice. There is no in-seat entertainment, no Ekspres Traveller’s magazine and no complimentary hand towels.

We did receive a complimentary bottle of water and an item labelled as “Sardine Bun”.

A trip between carriages, say to get to the guy selling satay stacks, involves a rather thrilling view of the ground below as you move between carriages. The door in the vestibule at either end of the train says “Do not open while the train is in motion.” It says this above the door that is chocked open too. It says “Danger” on the door that houses some sort of electrical equipment. Various switches and wires and fuses and so forth can be seen as the door bangs open and closed. We finally arrived at our destination at 9:30pm and by 9:40pm I was being systematically ripped off by a taxi driver who appears to have charged me a day’s salary for a 40 minute taxi ride. It turns out that a day’s salary is about AUD40, so both of us were happy. My cabby got a handy bonus at the end of a long day and I got to my hotel where I could cheerfully lose consciousness.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Train, Planes and Holidays

I am currently on holiday in Malaysia. If I were so inclined to use the scare quotations that seem to have proliferated recently as a lazy method of designating irony, I would use them around the word “holiday”. There, I’ve gone and done it anyway.

My holiday has been tacked on to the end of a business trip. For various reasons, none of which are very interesting to you, dear reader, a week’s worth of business commitment was cancelled. The week of commitments was to come at the end of a business trip to Japan. The chikenz has, of late, decided that I need a holiday and this proved to be the ideal opportunity. We agreed that I would extend my stop-over in Singapore, the chikenz would fly in to meet me and we would take a holiday.

The chikenz announced that this was to be my holiday. We would design this holiday entirely around ensuring that I enjoyed myself, relaxed and generally had a very good time. Although this approach made me slightly nervous, we set about planning. The chikenz asked me to describe my ideal holiday. It’s a fun exercise imagining you perfect holiday. I encourage you to think about it for yourself and post the details of your perfect holiday in the comments. To start you off, I’ll tell you about mine. In some detail.

My perfect holiday involves a warm place. Not too warm mind, but reasonably so. Temperatures in the mid to high 20s would be nice. An occasional venture into the low 30s would be tolerated. A temperate suitable for wearing shorts, but equally acceptable should one prefer long trousers. There is water involved in this holiday, but only for the purpose of viewing. I can see the water from my holiday spot you see. The water is unlikely to be the ocean, so I guess that means it’s a lake or a river. Either will do.

My holiday is largely set in a comfortable, old-fashioned sort of hotel. One with a large, shady verandah overlooking an ever-so-slightly overgrown garden, and beyond that, the aforementioned water. It probably has wicker chairs. The chairs have overstuffed cushions. The cushions are white, or cream in colour. There are tables too. They’re probably wicker as well.

My holiday hotel is over-staffed. There are far too many for the job at hand. This may be because labour is so cheap in the country where my holiday is set. The net result of all this is that there are at least two members of the staff standing to attention on the verandah even when there are no actual customers at hand. The arrival of customers would generally call for the arrival of reinforcements to the staff. The staffing arrangements mean that I never have to wait for the attention of a member of staff. I need only look toward where a member of staff should be, I will find that they are indeed where they should be, they will notice that I am looking toward them, approach and quietly ask what I would like. Apart from that, they won’t bother me.

Apart from the wait-staff, my hotel has at its disposal an impressive array of experts in mixing all kinds of drinks, pouring beer or preparing local snacks that I find unusual but delicious. My hotel not only tolerates my smoking habit, they actively facilitate it.

My hotel offers an astonishing list of activities each morning. Perhaps I will be presented with the opportunity to go trekking through local rainforests, climbing mountains, learning new water skills – perhaps skiing of snorkelling or some such thing, perhaps I will even be able to go sky-diving or bungy jumping. Each morning I will review the list of activities scheduled for that day, I will politely decline all of them and elect to sit of the verandah and read. In the afternoon, quite early, I will feel peckish and order one of the local snacks along with a slightly chilled pinot noir. Later, as the afternoon becomes warmer, I will order a gin and tonic. Later still, when the afternoon becomes early evening I will adjourn to the dining area to avoid the mosquitos, I will order a beer. It will not be too cold. It will be perfectly poured. As dinner begins to be served I will select a cabernet sauvignon, or perhaps a shiraz to enjoy with my dinner.

Dinner will be served over a foolishly long period of time. Three or four hours. It will include at least 4 courses before dessert, perhaps more. Dessert will be served with a dessert wine, perhaps a fortified. I will deliberate over whether to finish with cognac and cigars and will decide yes, I will. I will go through this routine every night.

Cognac and cigars will be enjoyed in company. Some of the other guests will join me in the library. They will be intelligent and witty. Several of them will hold opinions that differ from mine but they will express them thoughtfully and with humour. We will discuss a wide variety of topics without rancour or ill-will. They will know better than to bother me the next day while I am reading.

I will retire late, after midnight, but not stupidly late. The next morning I will be awakened by sunlight at about 8am. I will slowly rouse and then do everything all over again. On one day I will spot a particularly interesting activity and will elect to join. It may be a trek to a local temple. The trek will leave the hotel at about 11am and I will discover that by 11am I have become so engrossed in what I am reading that I will not join the trek after all. I will inform the nearby staff and return to my reading. I will be incredibly content.

==========

This is the holiday that I described to the chikenz. I may have described it in even more detail than I have here. As I recall, I had (for example) designed the staff uniforms, provided a rough layout of the garden and specified that the tabletops on the balcony should not be glass. Either marble or timber would be acceptable.

The chikenz listened to all this as it was related over a period of time. At the end she sort of tilted her head to one side and said, “right...” with a sort of drawn out ‘i’ sound and a distinct pause at the end. That was about 4 weeks ago. Since then the chikenz has been busy planning our holiday.

I mentioned that I am in Malaysia. To be more accurate, I am on the “Ekspres Rakyat” – a train that runs from Singapore to Butterworth, a trip of over 13 hours. The chikenz has planned out a rather detailed itinerary. It includes a trek to a rather interesting temple; the “Snake Temple”, a stay at a world heritage hotel near the beach in Penang, a visit to the night markets on the beach and a visit to a fruit market just outside Penang that will probably involve trekking as well. We have already “enjoyed” a day of shopping at an increasingly gargantuan series of shopping centres in Singapore. 

Yes, that was a lazy method of designating irony. I’m eight hours into a thirteen hour train trip.

Friday 2 September 2011

Julia Gillard is safe


I noticed that today Bill Shorten has already come out in support of Ms Gillard, saying “Julia Gillard is the right person, at the right time, for the job.
I think that says it all. There’s more chance of Julia Gillard lining up at full-forward for the Bulldogs than there is of a change in leadership.

Saturday 27 August 2011

A new blog

Recently, I've found that most of the things that I want to write about are somehow related to Japan.

So I started a new blog. And that's Japan. Have a look, post a comment.

I'll continue with this blog. It will be my usual musings on whatever takes my interest at the time.

Monday 25 April 2011

Elderly crime in Japan

On Wednesday, 9th February, I attended the Osaka District court to witness the process of Japanese justice first hand. The cases I saw there were three petty theft cases. In the first, money had been stolen from an ATM machine. The total was around JPY200,000 or about AUD2500. In the second case the amount was more difficult to estimate as the crime involved stealing externally located water faucets from office buildings. The accused claimed to have received around JPY500 for each faucet and I can only assume that he was selling them for scrap.

The third case involved a theft of around JPY15,000 (AUD180). The accused had exhausted his funds at a pachinko gambling house and had decided that he would be able to easily steal money from people that had become drunk and passed out. He had been in the process of taking money from a drunken and apparently unconscious woman when she awoke and began to scream. He was apprehended at the scene.

These sorts of crimes are grist to the mill of any system of justice around the world. They were committed by the unemployed poor of the city and they were committed by men. They were petty crimes for relatively small amounts. The distinguishing feature though was that in all three cases, the crimes had been committed by older men. The first defendant was 60 years old, the second 62 years old and the third 59 years old.

In most of the world, the lower courts are filled with crimes of drugs and violence committed by young men with too much testosterone and too little education. Why then is the situation so different in Japan?

The circumstances of the three men were similar. They were all divorced or widowed and they had no contact with their children or family. They had no employment and little prospect of gaining employment. Their circumstances were at once poignant and baffling. Furthermore it appeared that they were not in the slightest bit unusual. I was told shortly after the hearing that Japan is undergoing a grey crime wave of sorts.

And it turned out that my information is correct. A Washington Times report dated 5 weeks prior to my visit to Osaka District Court describes the difficulties face by prisons in handling the influx of elderly prisoners, six months earlier Bloomberg had reported that “the number of arrests among people aged 65 or older tripled to 48,786 in 2008 from 1999” and in 2008 Reuters had reported that “crime by elderly Japanese has doubled over the past five years” and that while Japan’s population is certainly aging, “the number of such crimes is growing faster than the elderly population itself.”

There are more reports of the phenomenon, all with the same theme; the rate of crime among the elderly is increasing, the crimes are overwhelming petty theft and shoplifting, the causes are poverty and loneliness.

To me these reports seemed a little glib. Circular statements that opine that loneliness and poverty cause crime, the elderly in Japan are more lonely due to the breakdown of the traditional family and they are poorer due to the heavy burden of supporting an aging society. All this means that the elderly are committing more crime.

The academic literature did not offer much at all. There are few very articles examining the phenomenon. Most mentions of the elderly and crime in Japan either focus on the elderly as victims of crime rather than perpetrators, or focus on older men as perpetrators of sexual crimes against younger women.

An interesting paper written in 2004 attempts to explain the low crime rate in Japan. There's not much doubt that crime rates are low in Japan, their murder rate and violent assault rates are the lowest in the OECD. The 2004 paper suggests four causes of low rates of crime; 
  1. Strong, informal social control mechanisms, 
  2. Economic prosperity, 
  3. Certainty of punishment and 
  4. The aging population. 
Of these four, it is certainly the case that Japan’s economic success has diminished in recent times, but are there factors here that would affect only the elderly? Can the breakdown of social control mechanisms be partly responsible for the increase of crime among the elderly?

The strong, informal social controls tend to come from the sense of community that still exists quite strongly in Japan. The associated notions of “group” and belonging” also remain quite strong. For these elderly men however, it appears that the group has left them behind. They are at an age where they should expect to be the senior speakers for the group. Heads of their family, respected in their workplace, securely looking forward to (or even already enjoying) their retirement. These are the things that the group expects and by falling outside these expectations, these men have fallen outside the group. Their reaction appears to be a turning to crime, partly for the benefits of the crime itself, but also it would appear that they seek the security that their inevitable incarceration brings. Their incarceration places them back within a group and gives them security and certainty.

In 2006, the Japanese Justice Ministry was reported as being “so alarmed by the rise in geriatric crime that it has started a research project into its causes ... ‘We have no idea what is causing the rise in the elderly crime rate,’ said Yoshihiro Ono, a ministry of justice researcher”. I suspect that while we may have some idea what is causing it, there is still a great deal more work to be done.

This is adapted from a short essay written as part of my master's programme. If you're interested, I can provide references. The "2004 paper" is Roberts, A. and LaFree, G., (2004), “Explaining Japan's Postwar Violent Crime Trends”, Criminology, Vol 42, No 1; pg. 179

Sunday 17 April 2011

I have become a fan of David Cameron

In England, for reasons that I have never thoroughly understood, they get very excited about royal weddings. One of the things they do, just to demonstrate to each other how excited they actually are, is they have street parties. The street parties seem to involve a lot of cake, some really hot tea and your CD compilation of the very best of Cliff Richard.

Now my personal inclinations aside, I figure if that's what they like to do, who am I to stop them? As long as I don't have to listen to the Cliff Richard CD, then go right ahead.

Now as you might have heard (I have to admit that I had not heard until this morning) there is a royal wedding about to happen. Prince William is going to marry Kate Middleton. I had heard the name Kate Middleton bandied around before and simply assumed that she was another in a long line of pop singers. Turns out she's not. She's another in a long line of moderately attractive women that get to marry hereditary heads of state. But I digress.

The nanny state is alive and well in England and various councils have cautioned their constituents about the terrible dangers of having a street party. The dreadful perils involved no longer mean that it's only necessary to let your neighbours know that piping hot tea and a home made sponge cake will be available, it is now a requirement to obtain council permission. You'll need insurance of course and you'll need to provide a detail plan, probably an elfen safety certificate and various other documents.

In other words, you can't do it if you're just folks, you need to have a profit motive sufficiently large to put up with the red tape.

So.

David Cameron, Prime Minister of the UK, turns up at a press conference recently with a sheaf of papers. He reads one that tells us that some council has decided that you can have a street party as long as there is no music, no 'rides', no alcohol. Another council has decreed that there can be no "home made cakes" or tea - (apparently for elfen safety) and another council has told some poor nong that he needs £5 million in public liability insurance.

Cameron puts all this to one side and says "This is ridiculous. These pen pushers and busy bodies are completely wrong, they have no right to stop you from having fun and let me put it like this: I'm the prime minister and I'm telling you: If you want to have a street party you go ahead and have one."

Clearly a man that deserves to wear his underpants on the outside.

Thursday 7 April 2011

Saturday 19 March 2011

Found them!

We got a message today from Akino's mum. Her sisters and all the cousins have been located. The house has been destroyed and that will make things a little difficult for a while, but everybody is well and in good spirits.

I'll let you know more as we hear.

Friday 18 March 2011

Earthquake in Japan - Update

A couple of days ago we heard from one of Akino's cousins. He was away from home when the tsunami struck. Unfortunately he hasn't been able to get in touch with the family either, so at this stage they are still listed as missing.

Obviously I have been watching the news from Japan with great interest. There are around 500,000 people in evacuation centres and refuge camps at present and yesterday it began to snow. There are probably in excess of 10,000 people dead. Despite this, all the news seems to be centred on a nuclear reactor that so far has harmed perhaps 2 people (there are 2 maintenance workers missing).

I've spoken to a number of people in Tokyo over the past few days. It appears that the situation there is very difficult. Everyday items such as rice, toilet paper, eggs, milk and so on are difficult to obtain. Bottled water sells out as soon as it gets to the shelves. Many of the expats that I know in Tokyo have already left. Some of the Japanese that are there have left also, mainly for Osaka. The French government issues travel advice several days ago advising French nationals to leave Tokyo and yesterday the Australian government did the same.

If any of the readers are in Japan, please post a comment with your thoughts or impressions.

Monday 14 March 2011

Earthquake in Japan

Thank you to all the folks that have asked after Akino's family in Japan. I can tell you that we have heard from all the immediate family (mum, dad and Shun) and they are all fine. Tokyo is quite chaotic at present and many of the supermarkets and shops have run out or are running low on food, but I have no doubt it will all be sorted in a few days.

There are members of the wider family that we are not sure about. There is an Aunty that lives in Kamaishi and another that lives in Aomori. We have not been able to contact either of them, but goth areas have been quite badly affected. Communications are very bad and it will likely be a few days before we hear more about it.

For those of you that know Eddy (Hideo), I can tell you that he is safe and well although he had a bit of fun getting home. At the time the earthquake hit, he was driving back to his office in Yokohama from a customer visit in Kawasaki. It's usually about 20-30 minutes drive. He left Kawasaki at 16:00 and arrived at his office at a little before 4:00am!! Of course there were no trains to get home to Saitama, so he spent the night at the office and eventually got home late on Saturday.

If I hear any more, I'll be sure to let you know.