What Happened Next

The last four months have been entertaining and instructive. The Bullfrog has been entertaining and The Chikenz has been instructive.

When my erstwhile employer took it upon themselves to advise me that my services were no longer economic, The Chikenz first reaction was “Thank God for that.”

Her second reaction was “Now you have to do some housework.”

My logic on the matter went like this. When we were both employed full-time, I did no housework and The Chikenz did it all. Now that I am unemployed and The Chikenz is employed full-time, I should do 50% and The Chikenz 50%. It sounds entirely reasonable.

These things must not be rushed however and I have been working my way up to 50%.

Gradually.

The Chikenz has largely coped by meditating with such intensity that there are actual scorch marks on her meditation mat. I like to think that she enjoys having me around the house, but then again I like to think that I have a wonderful singing voice. You will note that what I like to think has a very tenuous relationship with reality.

The Bullfrog on the other hand has been much entertained by my presence as I have by hers. As a doting father, I have spent some time teaching her the value of humour and this has largely manifest itself in poo jokes. Of late, we have turned our hands to the manipulation of various nursery rhymes. “Mary had a little poo” is a favourite and “Incy Wincy Spider poo-ed up the water spout” is another. Twinkle twinkle needed no adjustment, just an explanation of the alternative meaning of ‘twinkle’.

The Chikenz bears all this with the good grace that is her hallmark. The only reaction is a slight smell of burning from the meditation mat.

I am now also in the habit of putting the Bullfrog to bed each night. At this time, along with an exchange of poo jokes, we have a story. I personally make up the stories and while they may be loosely based on the work of others (the brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson figure prominently of course) I adapt them in such a way as they would be unrecognizable to the original authors. Hence we have “Little Blue Riding Hood”, “Snow White and the Seven Persons of Diminutive Stature” and “Goldilocks and the Three Koalas”.

The Bullfrog loves these stories and I don’t go to very much trouble to inform her that they are not entirely my own creation. As a result, she believes her father is the most interesting and most entertaining person in the world. This is as it should be.

I have played my guitar a few times over the last month or two and have come to recognize more clearly that my talent for music is so close to zero as to be a fair approximation of it. This does not deter me from playing. I know at least 5 chords and sometimes I play them in different order from other times. I consider this quite an achievement. I measure my practice time based on the intensity of the smoke emanating from wherever the Chikenz is meditating.

I have also done quite a lot of cooking and my expertise in this area has increased enormously. I understand the importance of removing the sausages from the shrink wrap before placing them in the fry pan. I have discovered the secret to good cooking lies in the condiments and I have further discovered that bacon, cheese and butter should all be considered condiments.

I should add that I have occupied some of my time by writing. Mainly fiction and mainly for the entertainment of either the Bullfrog or I. Until today the blog has been untouched. I know this will make you feel neglected, if not jealous, but I assure you that my attention will now be turned to keeping the blog up to date. I already have my next post planned. It will be about the most popular carpark in Tokyo. I’m sure you can’t wait for that one.